Wedding Reflections and Advice

It is done. We are married and the whirlwind is calming down as we return to our more normal and relaxed routines. I'm slowly trying to process all the things that have happened now and reflect back on the past weeks that have led to me being a wife.

I'm incredibly happy with the wedding ceremony and reception. Like I've told many people, I was not one of those girls who dreamed of my perfect wedding; in fact, for many years, I was fairly convinced that I would never get married. Despite not having a clear vision of my expectations for the celebration, it was without a doubt one of the happiest and proudest days of my life. I was thrilled to see so many of our friends and family come together and put in their time and energy to make our day very special. They helped to decorate and set up, wore their best clothes, danced and laughed with us, all in order to help make our day special. Remembering the day gives me a feeling of love and gratitude that I will never forget.

Not only did most things go right, but very few things went wrong!

While catastrophes were averted, small annoying snafus snuck in. Mostly these were small forgotten details. For example, I had gotten dove chocolates wrapped in blue and gold foil for the tables that I forgot at home. The programs weren't handed out at the beginning. Oh and we forgot about the guest book which was buried in a box. For the music, my zune's (mp3 player) music didn't sync properly, so I was the improv dj along with a few other guests for the evening. Some people tripped and fell on the stairs outside while leaving the party because it was so dark. The seating got a little mixed up because the place insisted we have a head table. The cake ran out, despite ordering extra servings. I might send a few grumpy emails concerning the last few three things, but otherwise I think we all came together and did a bang up job!

Robert and I had our honeymoon in Jamaica the week following the wedding, and now are spending labor day weekend tidying up things. We have sorted out our gifts and are starting to work on the thank you cards.

So, if someone came to me and asked how they were going to plan their wedding, this is what I would say to them:

Number 1: Make lists

Make a solid to do list at the beginning of planning and try to organize it chronologically. Set some general deadlines to keep yourself on track. You will likely continually add to this list as the wedding gets closer. There are several online tools that can help you manage the list, but I prefer the good old legal pad and pen style. Also, I've noticed that a lot of people like to blog about planning their wedding, so that's another good resource.

Make a day-of-the-wedding to do list and agenda for yourself and all the people helping you that day. This way, the small things won't be so easily forgotten.

2. Don't be afraid to ask for help

I would generally suggest to someone that if something is really important to you, and you have a very specific way you want something done, do it yourself. For anything else, delegate! I would also advise not to have too many things that you have to have done a certain way or you will freak out -- flexibility is the key here.

Also, while I suggest you don't plan it alone, I don't necessarily advocate hiring expensive professionals for everything. Maybe my friends and family would disagree, but I feel that one of the greatest aspects of my wedding was the cooperative effort that made it possible. We asked several friends and family members to help us with things, including but not limited to:

a. My friend who is great at interior decorating was in charge of the decorations.
b. My sister helped me with hair, jewelry, and make up.

c. My husband's sister took the video.

d. My sister's partner was the officiant.

etc, etc...too many to name!

So, we were able to tap into the talents and abilities of our friends and family to make the wedding personal, and also to involve people in the event. These favors require a lot of time and energy of your guests, so make sure to give lots of thanks and find thoughtful ways to show your appreciation before, during, and after the big day.

Also, I think sometimes the burden of a wedding comes down heavily on the bride's shoulders. I think it's important to keep the groom involved in as many decisions as possible. Also, it's nice to let the groom make some decisions on his own. This way the couple shares the responsibilities of making the wedding happen.

3. Keep the guest count as small as possible

Some people may disagree with me here. I imagine big weddings can be a lot of fun; also, with big families, big weddings may be unavoidable. For our wedding, we invited just close friends and family members, which came to about 60 guests. Our ceremony and reception lasted approximately 4 hours. Robert and I were able to spend individual time with our guests and enjoy ourselves. If we had invited many more people though, it would have been more difficult to spend time with and enjoy the company of our guests.

4. Show appreciation and don't focus on the negative

Things will go wrong, so don't sweat it. Just do your best to make sure the big things don't go wrong and keep your wits and sense of humor about you.

5. Be thrifty but willing to splurge on a few things

Weddings are costly affairs, even for the thriftiest people. Pick and choose where you cut corners on costs, but don't be too afraid to splurge. This is a special occasion and (in theory) a once in a life time event. This was a lesson a spend-thrift like me had to learn and re-learn: don't be cheap!

No!

Robert and I splurged heavily on: the location, the photographer, and the honeymoon. We would have splurged more on the food and cake, but we found a great caterer with very reasonable prices. Food is important though -- make sure your guests are going to eat well! We cut back heavily on: the dress, the tux, and the decorations. I bought my dress on craig's list, he rented a basic tux from The Men's Warehouse (although I do not recommend the company because they're pretty lackadaisical) and a bride's maid and I got the center piece flowers at the farmer's market and the vases and candle holders at Goodwill.

Your wedding doesn't have to be grandiose to impress your guests and make them happy. Keeping things friendly, fun, and down to earth is good enough to ensure everyone has a nice time!