Wedding Reflections and Advice

It is done. We are married and the whirlwind is calming down as we return to our more normal and relaxed routines. I'm slowly trying to process all the things that have happened now and reflect back on the past weeks that have led to me being a wife.

I'm incredibly happy with the wedding ceremony and reception. Like I've told many people, I was not one of those girls who dreamed of my perfect wedding; in fact, for many years, I was fairly convinced that I would never get married. Despite not having a clear vision of my expectations for the celebration, it was without a doubt one of the happiest and proudest days of my life. I was thrilled to see so many of our friends and family come together and put in their time and energy to make our day very special. They helped to decorate and set up, wore their best clothes, danced and laughed with us, all in order to help make our day special. Remembering the day gives me a feeling of love and gratitude that I will never forget.

Not only did most things go right, but very few things went wrong!

While catastrophes were averted, small annoying snafus snuck in. Mostly these were small forgotten details. For example, I had gotten dove chocolates wrapped in blue and gold foil for the tables that I forgot at home. The programs weren't handed out at the beginning. Oh and we forgot about the guest book which was buried in a box. For the music, my zune's (mp3 player) music didn't sync properly, so I was the improv dj along with a few other guests for the evening. Some people tripped and fell on the stairs outside while leaving the party because it was so dark. The seating got a little mixed up because the place insisted we have a head table. The cake ran out, despite ordering extra servings. I might send a few grumpy emails concerning the last few three things, but otherwise I think we all came together and did a bang up job!

Robert and I had our honeymoon in Jamaica the week following the wedding, and now are spending labor day weekend tidying up things. We have sorted out our gifts and are starting to work on the thank you cards.

So, if someone came to me and asked how they were going to plan their wedding, this is what I would say to them:

Number 1: Make lists

Make a solid to do list at the beginning of planning and try to organize it chronologically. Set some general deadlines to keep yourself on track. You will likely continually add to this list as the wedding gets closer. There are several online tools that can help you manage the list, but I prefer the good old legal pad and pen style. Also, I've noticed that a lot of people like to blog about planning their wedding, so that's another good resource.

Make a day-of-the-wedding to do list and agenda for yourself and all the people helping you that day. This way, the small things won't be so easily forgotten.

2. Don't be afraid to ask for help

I would generally suggest to someone that if something is really important to you, and you have a very specific way you want something done, do it yourself. For anything else, delegate! I would also advise not to have too many things that you have to have done a certain way or you will freak out -- flexibility is the key here.

Also, while I suggest you don't plan it alone, I don't necessarily advocate hiring expensive professionals for everything. Maybe my friends and family would disagree, but I feel that one of the greatest aspects of my wedding was the cooperative effort that made it possible. We asked several friends and family members to help us with things, including but not limited to:

a. My friend who is great at interior decorating was in charge of the decorations.
b. My sister helped me with hair, jewelry, and make up.

c. My husband's sister took the video.

d. My sister's partner was the officiant.

etc, etc...too many to name!

So, we were able to tap into the talents and abilities of our friends and family to make the wedding personal, and also to involve people in the event. These favors require a lot of time and energy of your guests, so make sure to give lots of thanks and find thoughtful ways to show your appreciation before, during, and after the big day.

Also, I think sometimes the burden of a wedding comes down heavily on the bride's shoulders. I think it's important to keep the groom involved in as many decisions as possible. Also, it's nice to let the groom make some decisions on his own. This way the couple shares the responsibilities of making the wedding happen.

3. Keep the guest count as small as possible

Some people may disagree with me here. I imagine big weddings can be a lot of fun; also, with big families, big weddings may be unavoidable. For our wedding, we invited just close friends and family members, which came to about 60 guests. Our ceremony and reception lasted approximately 4 hours. Robert and I were able to spend individual time with our guests and enjoy ourselves. If we had invited many more people though, it would have been more difficult to spend time with and enjoy the company of our guests.

4. Show appreciation and don't focus on the negative

Things will go wrong, so don't sweat it. Just do your best to make sure the big things don't go wrong and keep your wits and sense of humor about you.

5. Be thrifty but willing to splurge on a few things

Weddings are costly affairs, even for the thriftiest people. Pick and choose where you cut corners on costs, but don't be too afraid to splurge. This is a special occasion and (in theory) a once in a life time event. This was a lesson a spend-thrift like me had to learn and re-learn: don't be cheap!

No!

Robert and I splurged heavily on: the location, the photographer, and the honeymoon. We would have splurged more on the food and cake, but we found a great caterer with very reasonable prices. Food is important though -- make sure your guests are going to eat well! We cut back heavily on: the dress, the tux, and the decorations. I bought my dress on craig's list, he rented a basic tux from The Men's Warehouse (although I do not recommend the company because they're pretty lackadaisical) and a bride's maid and I got the center piece flowers at the farmer's market and the vases and candle holders at Goodwill.

Your wedding doesn't have to be grandiose to impress your guests and make them happy. Keeping things friendly, fun, and down to earth is good enough to ensure everyone has a nice time!

If Only They Sold Flower Bouquets at Goodwill

I continue to pick away at my wedding to do list with good ol' Robbie. After some difficult deliberation, Robert and I selected a photographer. Picking out a photographer was difficult, because of the wide array of choices in the Seattle area. I narrowed down some general internet searching into a dozen or so photographers, which Robert and I widdled down to four, which we emailed. Two replied, so we set up meetings with them. Both of these guys were excellent choices, and we then had difficulty narrowing it down further between the two of them. One of them seemed very traditional and in control of his craft, the other was a little more adventurous and open-minded. We discussed it with our friends and family, and it was finally Robert’s sister who pushed us to make a final decision with her savvy artistic perspective. Phew, one more thing off the list!

Also, we picked our caterer a few weeks ago. At first I didn't even want to contact Susan Magan. On the preferred caterer list for Clise Mansion, all that was listed for her was a phone number. I thought: Oh great, probably an older woman who refuses to use the internet. On what was more or less a whim, (I had another caterer in mind) we contacted her and she invited us into her home in North Kirkland. What a great decision this turned out to be! She’s this wonderful retired school teacher who does catering in her spare time. She sat us down and described scrumptious meal options, complete with antipasto tray, fruit tray, and several appetizer options. Our guests are in for a treat! Robert and I are also very lucky, because this deluxe spread is less than any of the other caterers' minimal packages. She also had some helpful recommendations, and it’s through her that we met our fabulous cake decorator, Ginny McGavin. Ginny doesn't have a website, but she does thankfully use email. It has been a lot of fun for Robert and I to meet these quirky old ladies and listen to their stories. If I had to give any advice to a bride at this point, it would be: meet a nice old lady who knows other nice old ladies. They have reasonable prices, and it seems like they take pride in giving their products homey and personal touches. I think we will host some very tasty and special wedding refreshments.


I may not be able to get nice flowers at Goodwill, but luckily I have a few nice old lady recommendations, which is pretty much the next best thing. I met with one florist so far, (not a nice old lady recommendation) and I was discouraged by the high prices. I’m not going to have a lot of professionally decorated flowers at my wedding, but I really didn’t think the price would creep so high. At that rate, I might decide on making the bouquets on Saturday afternoon with the BMs and GMs (bride's maid's and groom's men). That's only a partial joke. I still want to interview 2 more florists, so hopefully we can come to a better bargain. I also might bust out my bartering skills if all else fails.

In other wedding news, Robert and I are working on our bridal registry. This is hard work and is taking more time than we bargained for. Sometimes I think it'd be easier to just receive money as a wedding gift, as is the tradition in other cultures. Regardless of how you chose to do it, it's very easy to spend a lot of money when planning for a wedding. Whether you're the bride, groom, family, guests of friends, it's kind of scandalous how many people are vying to get a piece of you. Weddings are a huge business these days, and there are a plethora of options and pretty steep competition in the industry. What sometimes shocks me is, considering all the time and expenses we are incurring, our wedding represents a rather low-key affair. Yeowza.

Goodwill Score!

So, I went to the *big* Goodwill today to scout out some vases and tea light candle holders. I wasn't expecting much. Sometimes you can really strike out if you go to Goodwill with a shopping list.

So, imagine my surprise when I found 8 matching vases in a style I thought would be appropriate for the table center pieces. I also found a few other slightly different ones for using at the bridal party table or on the mantle or at the buffet table. Also, I saw these sweet little sherbet cups. I thought they'd be very cute with little tea light candles sitting in them. Plus, as an added bonus, I could use them after the reception. However, I thought: there's no way I'm going to find enough of these to make it worth my while. I was digging through the shelves, and a nice woman found me and asked: is this the style of cup you're looking for? Eeee!! It was!! Another woman joined us on the hunt and we found 15! For the photo I added a few river rocks from one of Robert's old disassembled fountains. I think for the main event, I'll go to the local craft store and look for some pretty blue glass to put in the cups.

I was pretty pleased with myself. That was a pretty productive Goodwill outing.

Now, some of my readers (yes, both of you) might be worrying that the only thing I think about is this wedding. Well, I will try and write a few different posts in the coming week just to mix it up. Stay tuned.

Photographer??????

I set out this morning to research photographers in the area. It is an overwhelming task! There are so many different photographers, packages, etc. I barely know where to start.

Right now I'm just scanning google, craig's list, yelp, a grand wedding, and Seattle Bride's website. It's terribly difficult to narrow all these things down! I will let you know how I get through this photography debacle.

I'm yawning and getting bleary eyed. I might need to step away from the computer for a while.

The Dress!

This past Sunday I finally got the dress! It was actually a fairly easy and entertaining process for me. I looked around to get a feel for what brand-new dresses cost ($600 and up, more or less) and then scanned the Craig's List clothes section for wedding dresses under $300. I also perused several different second hand stores, but decided that I stood a better chance of nabbing a deal on Craig's List.

Towards the middle of my searching process, I figured out what I wanted: a fancy wedding dress with a train, white and with some embellishment (in other words, not too plain and simple: lace, embroidery, beading or something similar would do), and a corset lace-up in the back. This last feature was important to me so I wouldn't have to worry about any drastic alterations; the dress would just need to be sinched up appropriately in the back. The list of what I didn't want (princess waistline, poofy sleeves, big poofy skirt, two piece, etc) helped eliminate many dresses on Craig's List.

Now, picking a dress from Craig's List isn't easy, per say. It took a several days of scanning dresses, comparing measurements and sizing charts, and trying to imagine what would be best. In the end, I met one person, tried on one dress and besides being a few inches too long, it fit perfectly and was comfortable and beautiful. She also threw in a veil and knocked $50 off the price due to the hemming alterations I would need. I bought the dress, had teriyaki chicken for lunch with my attendant bride's maid, and made it to a movie later that afternoon.

Also, a few days ago when I was at Goodwill, I found a simple pair of white sandals: comfortable, apparently un-used, small heel, and only $3.

Dress: check.
Veil: check.
Shoes: check.

Sorry, no wedding dress pictures on the blog, you all have to wait and see.

The wedding to-do list continues, and this week I'm trying to figure out what to do about a photographer and caterer. The fact that it's terribly stuffy and hot at home, really drains my wedding research tenacity. But somehow, I persevere.

Today at work I told one of my coworkers that I've been frazzled because I've been planning a wedding and he says, "Oh wow, that's exciting!" Oh yeah! It is very exciting...in the midst of all the planning, to do lists, and organizing, it had slipped my mind that this is exciting. Very exciting!

Squeezing that Penny 'til Lincoln Says Ouchie!

At times, I can sometimes cross the line from being thrifty to being downright cheap. Planning a wedding is really challenging my ability to spend great deals of money on fancy things.

So, it was a real debacle when it came to choosing a venue for our ceremony and reception. Talk about some expensive rental fees! As Robert and I got more and more embroiled in wedding planning, I found myself getting increasingly annoyed. Why does everyone want a piece of me? Why do so many people strive to get their hands on my time and money just because I'm getting married? What's the deal with weddings costing so much????

We looked at several places. I made lists of pros and cons. We took all the costs of the various reception places and tallied them up. This wedding is a big investment, so I want to make sure we get our money's worth!

We finally settled on Clise Mansion last week. It had everything we wanted in a wedding reception location: outdoor garden for the ceremony, indoor option in case it rains, peaceful location in a park, nearby our place, and it seemed rather affordable. Unfortunately, after going to sign the contract, we were stunned that the invoice looked a lot higher than we had anticipated. To their credit, the people at Clise Mansion were trying to be nice to us and show the highest possible cost for the reception -- including their house wine, champagne, and additional set up and clean up services that we might not need. It was these costs that made me want to flee in panic, tail between legs.

We had our prefered date held while we mulled over the costs and benefits of Clise. We continued looking into other options. Nothing seemed to fit our needs correctly, no matter how I crunched the numbers and tried to use my imagination for how we could make less more. Finally, after an agonizing Memorial Day weekend, we reverted back to preferring Clise Mansion. We decided the price was fair (by comparison) and now are in the process of the contract and cutting the check. (this process should be completed tomorrow)

So now, after so much work, we have our date: August 23, 2009. About *bleeping* time, huh?

Now, to re-assume my money-saving passions, I'm looking to cut costs elsewhere in the wedding process. I'm looking for an inexpensive wedding dress on Craig's List; we're using an mp3 player as opposed to a band; for the table center pieces, I'll look for seasonal flowers from the market instead of a lot of individual florist creations. Also, to continue with my list-making-mania, I have an ever-growing wedding to do list, in approximate chronological order no less. If you ever want to feel your head spin, I'll let you take a look.

My mom somewhat disapproves of these money-saving techniques. They're unromantic maybe. She is very excited about the wedding and thrills over discussing the traditions, options, and details. But, I'm very excited to have money left over for the honeymoon and eating during our first married year together.